Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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