Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
