yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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