If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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