But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
