The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
