I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you never un-have a 4some
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
