I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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