Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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