Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
