drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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