If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just pee around me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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