Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
