I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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