I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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