Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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