Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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