I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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