Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
