three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
