i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
