Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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