Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
