Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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