dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
