Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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