Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
