Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
