My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
