Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
