If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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