Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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