There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
