i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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