Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
