My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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