No awkward lesbian experiences without me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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