I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
