my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
