he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
