We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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