its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
