It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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