I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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