oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
