I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you win again, gameday.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
