i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
