oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
