I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
