Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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