I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
