Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
