I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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