It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
